One Year since the Operation

(Photo courtesy: Jean-Mark Arkalian)

It’s unbelievable! I am a year old since I went under the knife.  On 31st October 2018, I went though eight hours long operation, thus the agonizing Ulcerative Colitis disease was laid to rest once and for all along with my larger intestine and appendix. 

As I look back the day that I lived with so much uncertainty, fear, and anguish but also full of hope that finally I had decided to say yes to the doctor’s suggestion, certainly, since then things have brightened up.  The amount of time that I took to discern and decide on this important aspect of my life is unforgettable one.  Often, it is very difficult to take decisions that involve very much your life and its future, in spite, of ones stringent intellectual capacities or human feelings.  Often it so happens to us that the more knowledgeable you are less likely you are to take a decision for yourself.  It’s easier to suggest to someone else or decide for others. But not for you…!

I thank God today for everything that has happened to me since I made a decision to break this cycle of hospitalization, discharge, steroids, tablets, anaemia, diet, room bound life, etc, etc.  Today I am full of life and vigour, joyful and enthusiastic, hopeful and looking for the future that only God will lead.  Even though, I was not afraid of death and knowing that this disease would kill me little by little with all its pain and agony, I was afraid to be in that state of continuous pain for long. Because you can take it only to a certain extent. 

In any discernment, listening is very important.  By the time, I arrived at the decision of operation, I had stopped listening to doctors any longer.  Every doctor had given me hope that I would be healed through medication.  I have experimented with allopathic, ayurveda, siddha, naturopathy and homeopathy. In addition to cortisones, I had taken infliximab and then adalimumab biological medications, even tried with FMT therapy.  Only thing that my disease did was to help the pharma companies to become richer and have the side effects on various parts of my body deeper.   First, I received the medical treatment in Russia (Moscow) then in Italy (Rome) and finally in India.  I should say that everyone tried to give me the best medical care wherever I went.  People have been very kind to me within their limited space and time, energies and capacities.  I suppose, ultimately, we are all limited realities or unfinished realities.

When people asked me what I am doing during this sickness, being stuck to my bed and room, unhesitatingly I used to answer that I am waiting for death.  Today, I do not say that any longer.  Death might come anytime but I am sure that Ulcerative Colitis will not lead me to death.

(With my friends on the eve of my operation, 30th Oct. 2018)

On the eve of my operation in St. Philomena’s Hospital in Bangalore I was not sure what I would be expecting the next day. I had hardly slept for two hours in the night.  But, I was looking for liberation from Ulcerative Colitis from deep within.  Sr Regini of the hospital was extremely helpful since the day, I told her over the phone that I’m getting ready for an operation and needed her help very badly.  Being new to the Bangalore environment, it was a challenge in every way.  I know much better Rome, Moscow, San Francisco or London than our own Namma Bengaluru.   But I knew I was in the better hands, the Surgeon Dr Kenneth D’Cruz.  One of the well known surgeons in Bangalore had told me that he would give to Dr Kenneth eight out of ten for his professionalism.  I had met Dr Kenneth nine months ago and he had suggested me of the surgery but I had shrugged it off then. 

On the 30th of October, I received my doctor friends from Narayana Health just to give me some sort of encouragement and accompaniment.  Because I had spent large part of my working life outside the country, so I had very few local friends.  I had developed a notion over the years that it is better to have good friends than your own relatives.  For a priest this matters a lot!  My recently acquired friends helped me in this decision-making and were there in my most agonizing moments.  For me very thought of losing my larger intestine was itself a bad dream, a nightmare; moreover, not at my age.  I hadn’t met anyone with such conditions.  Dr Paul C Salins helped me in every way to discern on this important phase of my life.  I am more certain than ever that God sends always angels of good times at very important moments of life if we still hang on to Him.  Moreover, Dr Salins and Dr Samarth were there early in the morning of 31st of October just to encourage me.

One of the things that helped to calm down myself the moments before I go through the anaesthesia is what the Ayurvedic doctor MN Sudha had told me. She had said to me that when you go into the operation theatre a great fear comes into your conscious however you are strong.  Therefore imagine something that is divine, a picture of God, angel, etc.  So I had already chosen the icon of the Sacred Heart of Jesus which happens to be my favourite religious image.

In 2017, I went through 15 times colonoscopy with anaesthesia.  Each time out of curiosity, I made an futile attempt to know the last thought before I fell unconscious or what was going on in mind during that period of the effect of anaesthesia.  So too,  I cannot recall how the doctors took out my five feet long larger intestine and stitched the end part of the smaller intestine (ilium/ileal stoma) outside my stomach.  Perhaps I should not think too much about this because what is lost is gone forever and what remains here is quality life.  Now just enjoy the rest of your life!

- Olvin Veigas, SJ

31st October 2019