Historicity and Immanence in the Coming of Jesus Christ

Nativity, by Brian Kershisnik, modern.

The historicity surrounding the coming of Jesus Christ into this world is immense and fascinating. The Bible speaks about coming of Jesus into the human world through the writings of Prophets from Isaiah to Malachi, from Daniel to John the Baptist and Gospels. Interestingly, the mystery surrounding God coming in the human form is foretold through visions, dreams, prophesies, imaginary explanations with artistic descriptions, and colourful explanations.

I

Firstly, what makes Christ and his coming into the world as a human person is that once the fulfilment of these prophesies did historically take place in the person of Jesus Christ all the prophesies cease in Israel. No more prophets after John the Baptist speak about the harbinger of the Good News from above. Everything ends with Christ. All the prophesies of the Old Testament end in and with Christ.

II

Secondly, what makes the Jesus' entry into the world strikingly noticeable and unique is that it is a historical fact. Even the secular history and literature took note of this event. In other words, non-Jewish literature made mention of it. How is it possible? For a human mind many things are possible!

Tacitus speaking for the ancient Romans, says, "People were generally persuaded in the faith of the ancient prophecies, that the East was to prevail, and that from Judea was to come the Master and Ruler of the world."

Suetonius in his account of the life of Vespasian, recounts the Roman tradition thus, "It was an old and constant belief throughout the East, that by indubitably certain prophecies, the Jews were to attain the highest power."

China, then called as the Celestial Empire in its Annals described that the great Wise Man would be born in the West. "In the 24th year of Tchao-Wang of the dynasty of the Tcheou, on the 8th day of the 4th moon, a light appeared in the South-west which illumined the king's palace. The monarch, struck by its splendour, interrogated the sages. They showed him books in which this prodigy signified the appearance of the great Saint of the West whose religion was to be introduced into their country." 

The Greek Aeschylus in his Prometheus six centuries before Christ's coming wrote: "Look not for any end, moreover, to this curse until God appears, to accept upon His Head the pangs of thy own sins vicarious."

Probably, the prophesies of Daniel must have made a good publicity during those times. Because of their fascinating imaginations and illuminating insights and wisdom. Often oracles and visions kept afloat the hopes of people in trying times especially in times of wars, diseases and natural disasters. 

The well-known Roman literary figure Cicero citing Sibyls and other ancient oracles and sayings notes that of a "King whom we must recognise to be saved," asks with expectation, "To what man and to what period of time do these predications point?"

The Fourth Eclogue of Virgil prefigures above tradition and speaks about a "chaste woman, smiling on her infant boy, with whom the iron age would pass away." 

There were rumours at that time and Romans were deeply fearful and worried about the possible coming of a king who would rule the world. And Suetonius quotes a contemporary author to this effect. Therefore, the Romans ordered all children born that year to be killed - an order that was not fulfilled, except by Herod.

If Jews were expecting birth of a Messiah, Great King like David, a Wise man and a Saviour, the Greek philosophers, Socrates and Plato spoke of the Logos and of the Universal Wise Man "yet to come." Confucius spoke of "the Saint"; the Sibyls, of a "Universal King"; the Greek dramatist, of a saviour and redeemer to unloose man from the "primal eldest curse." Even the Gentiles,  the non-Jews had a longing for a deliverer and redeemer. This very fact distinguishes Jesus from all other religious leaders and founders.

III

Thirdly, once Jesus makes an entry into the world the secular history is split into two; dividing it into two periods: one, before His coming - BC, the other, after it - AD (Anno Domini - "In the year of our Lord").  No other world religious leader or founder did not do this.

IV

Fourthly, Christ's life and death set a new meaning and understanding. The story of every human life begins with birth and ends with death. In the Person of Christ, however, it was His death that was first and His life that was last. Christ's death spoke stronger than life. Every other religious leader or founder came into this world came into it to live but Christ came into it to die. Death interrupted teachings of Socrates. But in Jesus, all his actions, teachings are intelligible only with reference to his death. Incarnation of the Second Person of the Trinity has its fulfilment and meaning only in His Resurrection which happens only after death - death on the cross. (Source: Fulton J Sheen, Life of Christ, 17-21)

The synoptic Gospels of Matthew and Luke give us the genealogy of Jesus, which is full of flesh and blood, power and glory. Luke recounts very vividly the times of Jesus with historical figures who ruled his territory. Perhaps, the historicity surrounding the birth of Jesus is not only astoundingly meaningful but also powerful because Jesus lives in history, in the history of humanity, in the lives of men and women of this world, now and forever inasmuch as he is Emmanuel: God-is-with-us.

- Olvin Veigas, SJ

19th December 2019

Jesus: God's Self-Communication to the Humanity

02nd Sunday of Advent - Readings: Isaiah 11:1–10; Romans 15:4–9; Matthew 3:1–12

(St. John the Baptist Preaching, Mattia Preti, c. 1665)

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The readings of the second Sunday of Advent admonish us that repentance is an essential dimension in encountering God. Only through repentance, we will receive the grace to meet the Lord.

The whole season of Advent or Christmas could be summarised in one word, i.e, "Communication." It is God's communication with the humanity. In the words of Jesuit theologian Fr Karl Rahner (1904-1984), God becoming human is God's utter self-communication with the humanity. In German, Selbstmitteilung Gottes in Jesus Christ.

Down the centuries, God communicated with the humanity through various people. With Noah with a covenant, to the Patriarchs Abraham, Issac and Jacob through promises and later God communicated through his judges and prophets.  God communicated with the humanity through promises and covenants saying that He is with them, loves them, cares for them and wants them. Finally, God spoke to the humanity though his own person, the Second Person of the Trinity, Jesus Christ. 

In this context Prophet Isaiah speaks of a new beginning which would happen with the coming of the Lord, a reconciliation between the two opposing parties, among the enemies, in other words, a total surrender in front of the Messiah, the Saviour. God's self-communication would be strong and powerful, divine and undestroyable, unthinkable and never thought of. 

God's self-communication happens in three ways: Historical, simple and direct. 

Firstly, God comes in our midst in a historical setting. Thus our history becomes His history. He comes in a particular moment of history. As a result, our life sanctified. Our life in this historical juncture has a place in God; has a meaning. 

Secondly, God's self-communication in Jesus Christ happens in a very simple way. A simple virgin from Nazareth is chosen for this task. She is Anawim, the servant of God. She accepts God's plan by promising to Angel Gabriel with the words, Fiat voluntas tua, "May Thy will be done." Even birth of Jesus happens in a very simple circumstances, on a manger. There is no preparation, no solemnity here.

Thirdly, God's self-communication happens in a direct way. It is God's initiative. God allows himself to come into the world directly. Thus Second Person of the Trinity takes charge upon himself and comes in our midst, in our form.  God's direct intervention with the humanity tells us that how much God loves us, how much God thinks about us.

In the Gospel reading of today, God's great communicator to the humanity is John the Baptist. A voice in the wilderness, he is a man of God, a fearless voice of God. Living a very austere, ascetic life, he ascends into God's mind in bringing His message of repentance, forgiveness, healing and encounter with the living God. John the Baptist's life tells us many things especially how well we can accept God's self-communication in our lives. Through the greatest prophets of all time, according to Jesus, John the Baptist as a percursor, helps us to understand that we are called to be simple, straightforward in our dealings, humble and meek in front of the Eternal Truth and always be ready to speak for God and His humanity when values of God's Kingdom are threatened or not followed. 

The humility of John, the last and greatest of the prophets of the old dispensation tells us that he is not worthy to untie even the Lord’s sandals. John's devotion to the Lord is immense and huge. John, through his humility prepares the way of the Lord. 

There might be times when God seems to be according to St Augustine Deus absocondibus, absence of God. Perhaps we have experienced or felt a hidden God, absconding God; a God, who is not bothered about us. However, that is not our God. He is there and we have missed him. We have messed up with our God. He is ready to embrace as his beloved sons and daughters. John the Baptist today, points out at that just and loving God. 

Therefore, let us look at our Saviour; let us trust in God’s mercy. This means being humble, open to God’s Word like St. John the Baptist. It means loving our neighbour, and working to create, with the help of God’s grace, the new creation of love, integrity and peace. It means valuing the marginalised, rejecting false ideologies, and seeking the Truth.

Prayer:

Merciful God,

You sent John the Baptist to preach repentance.

Forgive us for the times when we have done wrong,

when we have hurt other people

and damaged our earth.

Lead us to make a change, to live differently,

preparing a way and making your paths straight.

Amen.

- Olvin Veigas, SJ

08 December 2019

St Francis Xavier: An Incredible Man between Universality and Particularity

(Peter Paul Rubens 1577-1644 The Miracles of St. Francis Xavier)

Today, the 03rd of December the Catholic Church celebrates the feast of St Francis Xavier (1506-1552). He is the patron of Catholic Church in India and its Missions.  The Jesuits in India have named their institutions in larger number with Xavier than Loyola who is their founder. Xavier’s popularity is immense and adorable because of the person he was and his significant work in making Jesus Christ known in the continent of Asia. 

St Francis Xavier is incredibly a fascinating figure among the saints the reformation period ever produced.  He had a short life of 46 years, that too only 10 years as a missionary.  He was such a successful missionary because of one reason; he had only one experience that is a deeper encounter with God. He came to know Christ very profoundly when he did the Spiritual Exercises of St Ignatius. The repeated words of Ignatius of Loyola who was Xavier’s roommate while studying in Sorbonne University in Paris made a difference infinitely: “For what shall profit a man, if he gains the whole world and lose his own soul?” (Mathew 16:26.)

Perhaps, we could learn at least three significant things from the life of St Francis Xavier.

I

Firstly, Xavier’s incredible fascination for the person of Jesus and his Church. Often it is cited that after St Paul, Francis Xavier should be considered as the most successful missionary among the non-Jews. Barely 43 years after the arrival of Vasco de Gama - the founder of sea route to India from Europe - Xavier found himself on the shores of India at the young and vibrate age of 36 years. Coming from a formidable rich and noble family of Xaviers’ in Navarre (His family home and castle is still intact even today in Spain), he was ready to eat the spicy food, live and work in tropical climate of Asia without any difficulty. His labour of evangelization brought to Christ hundreds and thousands of souls. Often, it is quoted that at the end of the day he had absolute no energy to raise even his shoulders as he had exhausted his strength in baptizing people both young and old.  

Today, we religious nuns and priests go though a long modern spiritual and human formation with a wide variety experiences like village experience, hospital experience, earn and live experience, slum experience, and in recent years regional juniorate, regional theologates, etc. Thus hoping that our formation will be holistic and wholesome and we would be able to speak the language of the people. In fact, the formatters believe that these experiences would make the formees who would be future torchbearers of Christ more effective and efficacious. Probably, we should think very critically whether such a formation has helped in anyway better to walk the talk of Jesus our Lord and master, without a deeper encounter with our Lord. 

II

Secondly, Xavier was a man with a great mind. Coming from a highly educated culture of his time, Xavier should have landed in the jobs of Catholic hierarchy like bishop or cardinal. That is what people did in his time as carrier in the church after studying in prestigious universities. In fact there were very few such universities in Europe like Bologna, Sorbonne, Oxford, Heidelberg and Padua. (You may read the kind of education Xavier went through here) Instead of getting stuck in Europe and in its priestly aristocracy, Xavier found his karma bhumi in a far away country India, later on the shores of Indonesia, Japan and China. Interestingly, the teachers in Sorbonne had groomed Xavier as heir to the faculty of Divinity. Young student Xavier was so good in his studies, he gave tuition to Ignatius of Loyola who had practical difficulties in mastering erudite Latin as he was already in his late 30’s. 

Today, in our world in general and in our church in particular, careerism seems to be the encouraging factor in the life of clerics and religious beginning with their religious orders or congregations and dioceses. Longing for power and prestige overtly or covertly could be noticed very vividly. Unfortunately many tainted guys seem to be taking the places of positions and authority in our church. The recent scandals involving many bishops, priests, nuns and even consecrated lay people support already burglary attitude in our church.  Only a good and sound mind would produce good and holy ideas and actions.

III

Thirdly, Francis Xavier put people first in his ministry as a priest and religious. Writing to Ignatius of Loyola, who was Xavier’s superior, Francis famously noted, “it often comes into my mind to go round all the Universities of Europe, and especially that of Paris, crying out everywhere like a madman, and saying to all the learned men there whose learning is so much greater than their charity, "Ah! what a multitude of souls is through your fault shut out of heaven and falling into hell!" Would to God that these men who labor so much in gaining knowledge would give as much thought to the account they must one day give to God of the use they have made of their learning and of the talents entrusted to them! . . .” (Letter from India, to the Society of Jesus at Rome, 1543) 

As the first provincial of Jesuits in India, Francis Xavier spent hardly any time in Goa, instead he was out in the field. Out of his 10 years in Asia (1542-1552), he must have spent a large part of his life probably 7 years in the seas, travelling from one place to another.  He never bothered about his position, either as scholar or intellectual, or provincial or papal delegate. Xavier was one among the people with a bell in one hand and Crucifix in another giving out the message of Jesus. He had no protocols, no garlanding, no reading of honourary letters in the missions or churches. Every minute that he had was spent for the people. He didn’t even have time to write letters to Ignaitus his boss in Rome. Often Ignatius admonished his brother to write to him about what was going on in the mission field. 

Today, we are stuck with protocols here in India especially in our churches, orders and congregations. Everything has to be moved according to the protocols beginning with the bishop to a sacristan in our parish. As Pope Francis said in his Chrism homily in 2013, often we have become managers or functionaries, perhaps managers of our schools, colleges and hospitals. Odour of the sheep has remained just out there in sheep sheds. How many of our bishops visit the families, sick people’s homes during the pastoral visit to the parishes? Could we stop garlanding, shawling our bishops, provincials and reading long honorary letters instead they could spend their time listening to our parishners, the problems that they are going through? 

One of the beautiful things that our four Catholic bishops in Russia do is not to follow any protocols. There is no garlanding, shawling, or reading letters of honour. Life is tough there. We should think about Xavier in us. So that, we move beyond those protocols. Unnecessarily we have complicated our lives in a complicated world. Perhaps we have to blame our lay people too in this regard as we have made the bishops and clergy habituated to this redundant middle age practices. Jesus’ life was simple. Let the simplicity and sobriety of Xavier be ours too. Thus we could be effective instruments in the vineyard of our Lord.    

- Olvin Veigas, SJ

03 December 2019

Feast of St Francis Xavier

Come Thou Long Expected Jesus

(Photo courtesy: Jean-Mark Arkalian)

“You too must stand ready because the Son of man is coming at an hour you do not expect.”  Matthew 24:37-44

This year, on 01st of December we begin our countdown to Christmas, and we are reminded that this season is not just time to prepare for celebrating Christ’s birth.  Instead, we are pointed to wait in hope and expectation for Christ who is to come.  Gladly, God does not stop surprising us through his Son. 

As Advent starts on Sunday and a new liturgical year, we hasten to begin a fresh new year by waiting for the Lord Jesus Christ, who will manifest himself to us just like us taking the form of a human person. 

Even though we do not know the day or the hour, we are told we must stand ready and waiting, so that we are not caught unprepared.  

With this beginning of the Season of Advent – a beautiful season when we prepare ourselves to celebrate the coming of Christ at Christmas, our hearts should be full of positive expectations.  But we also need to prepare ourselves, really question ourselves, about whether we’re ready for the coming of Christ in Judgement at the end of the world.  

Over the next few weeks, our readings will focus on the longings of the people of Israel for the coming of the Messiah through our readings from the prophet Isaiah and the Gospel readings surrounding the birth of Jesus. A number of readings, like this weekend’s reading from the Gospel of Matthew, are the stories which Jesus tells about the end of the world.

The liturgy of Advent is a school in which we learn to listen and to wait with expectation and with hope.

§ We learn that God encounters human history and sanctifies it by His life, death and resurrection.  So time, history has a meaning and our life is significant in God's plan.

§ God does not abandon us or our world but continues to live in it with patience with great simplicity and sobriety. Thus calling us to a new life of the Kingdom where joy of peace, truth and justice are possible.

§ Advent allows us to enter into the deeper meaning of the reality of life, suffering, despair, pain, loneliness, powerlessness and so on and so forth. All these find their fullest expression when we realise that our Saviour is with us "Emmanuel". God never lets us down.

§ With its incredible power of hope, Advent opens ourselves to greater and newer possibilities. By renewing our life in the Holy Spirit, the Lord remains in our time and for all time, thus assisting us in carrying the message of our Saviour to our brothers, sisters and creation.  In other words, God comes to us in our misery and need, in truth and love, thus the second person of the Trinity should become man to the humanity.

§ Among the graces of Advent is openness and humility. These give us the freedom to learn how we can best serve, "our Lord who has become man, for me." (Sp. Ex. §104)  

A few things might help us in this Advent Season:

± We can show this readiness to welcome Christ in how we welcome others.  

± By reaching out to our sisters and brothers when they are in need. 

± By standing alongside them and working with them to build a better future.  

± By supporting those who are vulnerable because of their age, illness or poverty. 

± And by ensuring that all people feel valued, respected, safe and loved.

Eternal God,

you will come when we do not expect you.  

Help us to welcome you now in one another,  

to reach out to our sisters and brothers,

who are in need of care and support.

And in this way may we be found ready,

when you come again in glory.  

O Wisdom, Lord and Ruler, Root of Jesse, Key of David, Rising Sun, King of the Nations, Emmanuel, Come, Lord Jesus.

Amen.

A happy Advent to you!

- Olvin Veigas, SJ

01 December 2019

Advent: Waiting with Joyful Hope

01st Sunday of Advent - Readings: Isaiah 2:1–5; Romans 13:11–14: Matthew 24:37–44

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The readings for the first Sunday of Advent are very enriching. They are full of joyful hope, waiting for a future which is certain only in God. 

Prophet Isaiah is a good example of the kind of hope that flows when our vision has been touched by God. Isaiah preaches to his people who are forlorn, tiered of waiting for liberation. Despair and desolation was in abundance among his flock. Century after century of subjugation had lead the people to disown their God of ancestors. Instead, Isaiah is full of hope. Isaiah trusted in the Lord so strongly no words of discouragement would lead him to abandon his God. He sees the fingerprints of God and the subtle movements of God’s Spirit. Isaiah recognised that his nation’s sufferings were not meaningless but a key part in God’s plan for the salvation of the world. However, the present might be distressing and painful, he could see a bigger picture. Isaiah had hope.

"In the days to come the mountain of the Temple of the Lord shall tower above the mountains and be lifted higher than the hills. All the nations will stream to it. …………He will wield authority over the nations and adjudicate between many peoples; these will hammer their swords into ploughshares, their spears into sickles. Nation will not lift sword against nation, there will be no more training for war. O House of Jacob, come, let us walk in the light of the Lord."

St Paul in his letter to the Christians in Rome encourages them to live their life fully according to their new covanent of love. Through their baptism they have become children of light. Therefore, St. Paul summoned them to rise from their slumber:

"You must wake up now: our salvation is even nearer than it was when we were first converted. The night is almost over, it will be daylight soon."

And in our Gospel reading Jesus commands us: "Stay awake, because you do not know the day when your master is coming." The persecutions, sufferings have meaning only when we put our trust in our Lord. Every Christian is called to dream, to dream about God. 

Keeping our sight on God we must move on that road that leads us to light out of darkness. We are invited as we begin this new liturgical year to leave behind the works of darkness, and all that stops us from reaching to God. We shall strive to be part of that new world order founded on the principles and dynamism of our Lord Jesus Christ, where the Holy Spirit bestows on us with his plentiful gifts and graces. May we be truly children of hope. 

- Olvin Veigas, SJ

1st December 2019

Align with God and You will Shine Brightly

33rd Sunday in Ordinary Time C - Readings: Malachi 3:19-20A; 2 Thessalonians 3:7-12; Luke 21:5-19

(The Destruction of the Temple of Jerusalem, Francesco Hayez, 1867)

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The readings of today call us to align with God our Creator, thus we may shine brightly. We are invited not to be distracted even by beautiful parts of our life. Instead, we are called to know the reality of life. What remains with us is true reality and that true reality is God. In other words, we are invited to enter fully into God's reality.   

Gospel reading of today reminds us that not to too attached to the present state of the world - even the beautiful parts, even our life here. Because everything pales in comparison to the life God has in mind. 

The God of the scriptures is the God of righteousness. Such a God of justice lifts up the poor, holds servants in highest esteem, forgives the unforgiveable, loves those who disown Him.  We can see the God's justice from different perspectives. Justice is sun: it destroys with a blazing heat and heals with rays of light. Justice is a witness to God: it leads to martyrdom and eternal life. 

Therefore, I am called to align with God. Thus I may be healed than destroyed by God's justice. Then my identity will be perfect when I align with God's justice which comprises when I practice mercy, forgive others and myself, practice love, do good, practice service, show compassion and mercy, be nice to others and see the good in people. Thus others joy becomes my joy, others healing becomes my healing. As a consequence, I might shine brightly.

C. S. Lewis' The Great Divorce, gives allegory of the afterlife in which he tells us when people arrive in heaven, even the softest grass in heaven feels like knives to their feet. Giving witness to the Gospel is to critique of our contemporary ways of living despite the reaction they might provoke. "To live here is to change often is to become more perfect"(Newman)

St John Henry Newman wrote beautifully this poem which tells us the nature of God: "Lead, kindly light, amidst the encircling gloom, lead thou me on." In this connection, we could ask for a grace to discern our life in the Spirit, so that we authentically align with God to shine brightly on this universe. 

- Olvin Veigas, SJ

17th October 2019

Being Radically Different for the Kingdom of God

31st Sunday in Ordinary Time C - Readings: 2 Maccabees 7:1–2, 9–14; 2 Thessalonians 2:16–3:5; Luke 20:27–38

(Icon of Christ Pantocrator from Macedonia, 14th C)

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"Now he is God, not of the dead, but of the living; for to him all men are in fact alive." (Luke 28:38)

We are God's making. He created us in his image and likeness. God did not fashion death, he didn’t make it.  Could we go further, then, and see in death some kind of advantage?  The horizon is a helpful boundary to our vision. The frame of a painting can highlight the beauty and value of what is contained within.  St Ambrose recalls that ‘death was not of God’s fashioning’ (Wis 1:13) but goes on to argue that God gave us death as a 'remedy’ for our sinful and pitiful condition: ‘Deathlessness is no blessing but only a weariness if grace does not transfigure it.’ 

"God didn’t make death. God takes no delight in the ruin of anything that lives.  God created everything so that it might exist.  The creative forces at work in the cosmos are life-giving.  There is no destructive poison in them.  The underworld[a] doesn’t rule on earth." [Wisdom 1:13-15 Common English Bible (CEB)] Further the book of Wisdom says, "God created us for incorruption, and made us in the image of his own eternity, but through the devil’s envy death entered the world, and those who belong to his company experience it.  But the souls of the righteous are in the hand of God, and no torment will ever touch them." [Wisdom 2: 23] 

We can start to become reconciled to our mortality when we learn to see death as a new beginning, not merely an end.  God is our future and He is our end.  This is the faith of the saints.  St Thomas More, the day before his martyrdom, wrote to his daughter Margaret Roper, praying that ‘we maie merily meete in heaven’. 

We will not see our end instead we will see our end in God.  If God brings forth life in us, will he not give us life even if our bodies get old, die and decomposed.  Our life after this earthly pilgrimage would be absolutely different from what we have now with all its culture, tradition, system, norms, values, patterns of seasons, etc.  Certainly, it would be another new beginning in God.

Therefore, Jesus calls us to be radically different form others but for the sake of the Kingdom. Our existential questions will have meaning only in God. Only God can give meaning to our lives.

- Olvin Veigas, SJ

10 November 2019

God Comes to Us Where We are

31st Sunday in Ordinary Time C - Readings: Wisdom 11:22-12:2; 2 Thessalonians 1:11-2:2; Luke 19:1-10

(Zacchaeus and Jesus)

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"God is lover of life" says the book of Wisdom. He has fashioned us in such a way that His dream for us is fulfilled in our life.  Therefore, God implanted in us a deep desire for him (Desiderium Dei).  Zacchaeus too had a deep desire to see Jesus and save his soul.  This aspiration of him is fulfilled when Jesus himself recognises Zacchaeus on a sycamore tree. Moreover, Jesus goes to the house of the so called "sinner" and touches the conscious of the rich man which is so beautifully gets transformed.  When we desire for God, He comes to us where we are. When we desire salvation, it comes to us where we are.   

Olvin Veigas, SJ

02 November 2019

One Year since the Operation

(Photo courtesy: Jean-Mark Arkalian)

It’s unbelievable! I am a year old since I went under the knife.  On 31st October 2018, I went though eight hours long operation, thus the agonizing Ulcerative Colitis disease was laid to rest once and for all along with my larger intestine and appendix. 

As I look back the day that I lived with so much uncertainty, fear, and anguish but also full of hope that finally I had decided to say yes to the doctor’s suggestion, certainly, since then things have brightened up.  The amount of time that I took to discern and decide on this important aspect of my life is unforgettable one.  Often, it is very difficult to take decisions that involve very much your life and its future, in spite, of ones stringent intellectual capacities or human feelings.  Often it so happens to us that the more knowledgeable you are less likely you are to take a decision for yourself.  It’s easier to suggest to someone else or decide for others. But not for you…!

I thank God today for everything that has happened to me since I made a decision to break this cycle of hospitalization, discharge, steroids, tablets, anaemia, diet, room bound life, etc, etc.  Today I am full of life and vigour, joyful and enthusiastic, hopeful and looking for the future that only God will lead.  Even though, I was not afraid of death and knowing that this disease would kill me little by little with all its pain and agony, I was afraid to be in that state of continuous pain for long. Because you can take it only to a certain extent. 

In any discernment, listening is very important.  By the time, I arrived at the decision of operation, I had stopped listening to doctors any longer.  Every doctor had given me hope that I would be healed through medication.  I have experimented with allopathic, ayurveda, siddha, naturopathy and homeopathy. In addition to cortisones, I had taken infliximab and then adalimumab biological medications, even tried with FMT therapy.  Only thing that my disease did was to help the pharma companies to become richer and have the side effects on various parts of my body deeper.   First, I received the medical treatment in Russia (Moscow) then in Italy (Rome) and finally in India.  I should say that everyone tried to give me the best medical care wherever I went.  People have been very kind to me within their limited space and time, energies and capacities.  I suppose, ultimately, we are all limited realities or unfinished realities.

When people asked me what I am doing during this sickness, being stuck to my bed and room, unhesitatingly I used to answer that I am waiting for death.  Today, I do not say that any longer.  Death might come anytime but I am sure that Ulcerative Colitis will not lead me to death.

(With my friends on the eve of my operation, 30th Oct. 2018)

On the eve of my operation in St. Philomena’s Hospital in Bangalore I was not sure what I would be expecting the next day. I had hardly slept for two hours in the night.  But, I was looking for liberation from Ulcerative Colitis from deep within.  Sr Regini of the hospital was extremely helpful since the day, I told her over the phone that I’m getting ready for an operation and needed her help very badly.  Being new to the Bangalore environment, it was a challenge in every way.  I know much better Rome, Moscow, San Francisco or London than our own Namma Bengaluru.   But I knew I was in the better hands, the Surgeon Dr Kenneth D’Cruz.  One of the well known surgeons in Bangalore had told me that he would give to Dr Kenneth eight out of ten for his professionalism.  I had met Dr Kenneth nine months ago and he had suggested me of the surgery but I had shrugged it off then. 

On the 30th of October, I received my doctor friends from Narayana Health just to give me some sort of encouragement and accompaniment.  Because I had spent large part of my working life outside the country, so I had very few local friends.  I had developed a notion over the years that it is better to have good friends than your own relatives.  For a priest this matters a lot!  My recently acquired friends helped me in this decision-making and were there in my most agonizing moments.  For me very thought of losing my larger intestine was itself a bad dream, a nightmare; moreover, not at my age.  I hadn’t met anyone with such conditions.  Dr Paul C Salins helped me in every way to discern on this important phase of my life.  I am more certain than ever that God sends always angels of good times at very important moments of life if we still hang on to Him.  Moreover, Dr Salins and Dr Samarth were there early in the morning of 31st of October just to encourage me.

One of the things that helped to calm down myself the moments before I go through the anaesthesia is what the Ayurvedic doctor MN Sudha had told me. She had said to me that when you go into the operation theatre a great fear comes into your conscious however you are strong.  Therefore imagine something that is divine, a picture of God, angel, etc.  So I had already chosen the icon of the Sacred Heart of Jesus which happens to be my favourite religious image.

In 2017, I went through 15 times colonoscopy with anaesthesia.  Each time out of curiosity, I made an futile attempt to know the last thought before I fell unconscious or what was going on in mind during that period of the effect of anaesthesia.  So too,  I cannot recall how the doctors took out my five feet long larger intestine and stitched the end part of the smaller intestine (ilium/ileal stoma) outside my stomach.  Perhaps I should not think too much about this because what is lost is gone forever and what remains here is quality life.  Now just enjoy the rest of your life!

- Olvin Veigas, SJ

31st October 2019