Nurturing Holy Desires…

A couple of days ago, one of my close relatives who has long been suffering from various ailments told me after getting out of the Intensive Care Unit (ICU) in a hospital that she wished to die.  Further she said, “Why God did not take me to himself as I almost reached the other end”.  In a word of comfort, I tried to convince her that God takes his time and we should be ready that moment when he calls unexpectedly.  Just as Jesus said, the owner of the house would come when we do not know exactly when that day and time would come (Mk 13:35).  Unfortunately, long illnesses and on and off hospitalizations, makes a person suffer ceaselessly and loose interest to live.  The best solution then one thinks of immediately is of death, when sorrows, anxieties and bodily pain will be laid to rest forever.  However, I sympathize with her feelings and a holy desire because more than once I too have prayed for death when things got terribly out my control and doctors could not help to reduce the pains and my body suffered so much causing mental agony and torture.

Praying for a good death is considered a holy desire in Christian spirituality.  When we pray “Hail Mary full of grace” the Angel’s greeting to Blessed Mother Mary the prayer concludes with “Holy Mary Mother of God pray for us now and at the hour of our death. Amen”.  A prayer which, constantly reminds us of the moment of death when the strength has to come from above. 

The constant bodily tormentation with mental suffering caused by painful episodes of illness and effects of chronic disease, certainly leads one to pray for holy desires. When a person is very low in his mental attitudes negativism aggravates already dull moments. Thus praying for holy desires or having an attitude of positive feelings helps to lift up the spirits. It is better to be more joyful and happier than depressed and dejected. A beautiful Russian expression Держать в руках (derzat v rukax) hold tightly in your hands reminds that when we suspect that things are getting out of our control on things which we hold, we should never let it be loosened. A lot of times pessimism, discouragement, apathy, weakness, might over take us but should never loose hope and loose our hands from holding on.

Saint Peter Faber (1506-1546) a cofounder of the Society of Jesus and friend of Saint Ignatius of Loyola wrote extensively on holy desires in his spiritual testament “Memoriale”. His feast day is celebrated on 2nd of August by the Catholic Church. He lived just for 40 years and known to have called for his insistence on dialogue in resolving any sort of conflicts including with Protestants of his time in Europe. Here is a small paragraph from his spiritual diary. 

“On the day of Saint Francis, I was reflecting on how to pray well and on different ways of doing good, I wondered how holy desires in prayer are, as it were, ways of disposing us to perform good works and, on the other hand, how good works lead us to good desires. I then noted, indeed clearly perceived, that, by seeking God in good works through the spirit, one will more readily find him afterwards in prayer than if one had sought him first in prayer so as to find him subsequently in good works, as is often done. For he who seeks and finds the spirit of Christ in good works makes much more solid progress than the person whose activity is limited to prayer alone.” (St Peter Faber, in  Memoriale, 126)

- Olvin Veigas

In Everything to Love and Serve - Saint Ignatius of Loyola

Perhaps Saint Ignatius of Loyola (1491-1556) is the best known figure in the world today in spite of him having lived during the reformation and counter-reformation of European history of 16th century.  His little Catholic organisation which he founded the “Society of Jesus” in 1540 which, he often called the minima compagnia/societa (little society) has stood the test of time and history.  St Ignatius is a towering figure today because he continues to inspire thousands of people to follow him and in the methods set by him.  Every year more than 400 young men join his ideals to follow the Christ Crucified under the banner the Cross with a sole purpose to love God and serve His humanity leaving behind family and wealth of the secular world. In other words, in everything to love and serve for the greater glory of God - Ad maiorem Dei gloriam (AMDG).  The Catholic Church and the Society of Jesuits/Jesuits celebrate his feast day on 31st of July every year, the day he left this world to be with his Master forever. 

Three quick takeaways from his life.

Firstly, St Ignatius showed us that we could have direct and immediate experience of God. Thus grow in familiarity with God. St Ignatius' powerful but a thin book the “Spiritual Exercises” continues to play miracles in the lives of people especially in transforming them to be the citizens of God [15]!  During Ignatius’ time people thought that we cannot go to God or experience God without some sort of agency or assistance from someone else.  Moreover the so called the theology of the indulgences strengthened this conviction that God is unattainable individually or by one's sincere efforts.  St Ignatius solved this mystery through his experiences which he would call in his “Autobiography” that God taught him as a schoolmaster teaches a child [27].  Jesuit Karl Rahner, the theologian of the 20th century drew heavily from St Ignatius in articulating his theological insights and coined a very fascinating phrase “Self-communication of God" in German Selbstmitteilung Gottes [cf. The Foundations of Christian Faith] to say that God continues to communicate himself freely and openly to each person.

Secondly, St Ignatius taught us that we could know the Will of God in our lives through a process of discernment which is also found in the “Spiritual Exercises” [169-189, 313-336].  God is ever present in our lives and His creation.  Just like St Augustine who said that our hearts are made only for God and they rest solely in Him, so too, St Ignatius wrote very well in the "Principle and Foundation" [Sp Ex 23] that we are made for God and whole creation is a help in order to reach that God who created us to praise, reverence, and serve God and by means of doing this to save one's soul.  In the Contemplation to Attain Love [Sp Ex 230-237] St Ignatius taught us to find God in all things and all things in Him.  A truly inclusive idea he put forward much before the modern man could think of.  All his attention was on humanity’s salvation and is possible if we know God’s will and see God present and active in the world and in our lives.

Thirdly, St Ignatius contributed a thought that is still applicable today, that is God/Christ centeredness and other centeredness which, should be the hallmark of our lives.  St Ignatius is very clear that we are not permanent and eternal stakeholders of this world.  As finite and unfinished realities, we will have to make sure that we are not the masters of this world but stewards of this universe.  This means, we should have a heart for everyone and our hands should reach out to each person including the least and the lost in the world.  St Ignatius himself started a house for destitute women of Rome - Casa Santa Martha and founded an orphanage in the Eternal City.  He also set a few rules in the Spiritual Exercises on Almsgiving [337-344].  He sent his first compañero Francis Xavier to Asia in order to preach the Good News of Jesus Christ, Simon Rodrigues to Portugal, Peter Faber to the European countries where Catholic Church was disintegrating because of Martin Luther’s reformation stunt.  St Ignatius wanted put Christ at the center of the Church and the world and not personal or national interests.

St Ignatius is still relevant to us to experience God directly in the world, to know God’s will in our lives and put God in the center of our lives.  In other words, in everything to love and serve, en todo amar y servir.

Olvin Veigas

Why is this suffering now?

The question of suffering continues to taunt us when we ourselves go through insurmountable anxiety about its inability to heal a particular type of disease. I ask this question often why is this suffering now? Why is this infirmity at my tender age or very active age? Why do I deserve this particular type of treatment when I should be active in the world outside? I’m tormented by these questions now and then when relapse of my disease Ulcerative Colitis takes place. I go through this mental and spiritual struggle when I’m back to square one where medicines are not acting the way they should. These questions leave me in a bit of despair and distress but with a hope that I might be able to find a few answers to them. However, I must find a way out with my convincing answers, which help me see meaning in all these things. 

Openness to See the Goodness in Others: My Saintly Aunt Karmin

Often relatives do make a great impact on our lives. When our close relatives who have made a difference in our lives, leave this world we notice the difference. Karmin - Konkani version of Carmel - (Veigas) Mascarenhas (1927-2018) is one of them. She lived her life to the full. She lived good 91 years; a year more than her dad Kaitan Veigas. In Konkani dad’s/father’s sisters are called “Akai”. As a thumb rule in our Konkani culture we never address our elders or seniors with their names, so Karmin Akai was always called or referred Odli Akai or permudachi Akai!

Among all of my relatives I found in Karmin Akai something different and unique. She was a woman of great faith and patience, a lady with kind words, affectionate and impeccable in diligence, in other words, a lady with a good nurtured holy soul. A woman who loved her relatives, neighbours and strangers alike. She bore 10 children and of whom three consecrated themselves to the religious life - two Nuns and a Carmelite priest. 

As growing up in our home in Kallyaradda in Badyar, I would see Karmin Akai at least once a month who would come down to meet her ageing parents - my grand parents - who also were blessed with a long and healthy life.  (Being our home an ancestral house, grand parents lived in the same house.) She also brought along with her Estel Akai, her younger sister who lived in close proximity to her home in Permuda, under the Venur Catholic parish with her husband and children. Karmin Akai‘s arrival brought to us a lot of joy, not only her graciousness which filled our home and surrounding, but also made our teeth happy with cookies and sweets she carried along for us. My grand parents too would be extremely happy, as their eldest daughter whom they loved so much would bring them also two bottles of distilled water, while my dad now and then would bring prohibition or he himself would make a vow to stop his childhood hobby but allowed the generousity of his eldest sister without any restrictions as he too respected and loved his Odle Bai. 

Karmin Akai, also, was very dear to us because she was a matchmaker of my parents. Thus, she introduced my mom to my dad, which she often would tell us proudly. In fact, my mom came from her place, two kilometers from her residence . In fact, Karmin Akai liked the perfectionism and hard working nature of my mom and Akai  noticed this when my mom worked in her rice field . In other words, Akai felt an extra responsibility towards my parents in encouraging them in their life together as couples. 

Karmin Akai was also a woman of great faith. She had an immense fervour for spiritual things and would recite prayers with great diligence and rhythm. A few years ago, I did a recording of her description about our ancestral history and how she along with her siblings migrated to our present location Kallyar in Badyar from Madanthyar in 1950. She was 23 years old then. 

Whenever Karmin Akai came down to see her parents she also made a point to visit her 7 brothers with a brisk visit. She would encourage many of them to stop getting into alcoholism because of their over enthusiasm in brass band which her brothers owned and made them popular from Bantwal to Chickmagalur and nevertheless, brought in a lot financial credit.

I wish and pray that this saintly lady who touched me in so many ways by her gentle and affectionate nature may enjoy the heavenly bliss with that compassionate Lord and Master of us all.

Lenten reflections: The Mystery is Ever Before Us

Painting by Paul C Salins

We are in the Season of Lent, where we delve deeper into the mystery of Christ’s suffering, death and resurrection.  Just like that Samaritan woman we will also be opening up our emptiness of human frailty before the great mystery of life and death, solace and suffering.  Perhaps we could ask ourselves whether we are ready to forgo just like that Samaritan woman our sense of guilt and helplessness before our sinful nature?  Can we be people of caring and ready to help those people who are in most need of us to quench their either physical or spiritual thirst or hunger?

Lent is a time to forgo something that would enhance either our life in the spirit or our human life in general.  Could we think about intensifying or enhancing our life by forgoing those attachments or things which do not allow us to live in the Spirit or with one another?

Mortality is ever present before us

Existential questions leave us perplexed. Human mortality is one of them. Anxiety is part and condition of our existence. The question of mortality makes aware that we are just visitors or pilgrims in this world. Our life is short and uncertain. The time that we have passed is perhaps longer than what we have for the future. Strangely we do not know what comes next and when would be our last moment, last word, last meal or last conversation with our beloved. But one thing is certain that end comes and unfortunately none of us may delay or prevent it. When a person suffers for a long time with a disease which is chronic, and curable medicine is still far from being invented the thought of mortality becomes ever more active and forefront in front of the suffering. In such desperate situations one has to learn to live ones life to the fullest. If there is moment to laugh one has to laugh, if there is moment to weep at the pain or suffer you someone, one has to be ready to shed ones tears of comfort and suffocate. Nothing that should allow us to lose the moment of our life. Every moment becomes precious in such situations of our volatile life.

In pursuit of happiness

The question of what is the pursuit of happiness is an old age question.  Happiness is what every human being craves for.  Happiness is what is here and what is not here, it is already and not yet, a kind of eschatological question.  We might think that our happiness lies here and now.  But actually we might not have been in that situation at that time at all.  Therefore the pursuit of happiness comes to torment us.  The pursuit of happiness perhaps may be our craving, our interest, our goal of life. This does not take place until and unless we are in it.  Immersing oneself info the pursuit of happiness is an herculean task.  A person's happiness cannot be borrowed or bought from someone else. Happiness is felt within the heart and soul of the person.  Others might be of some help in the pursuit of happiness.  Ultimately the person him/herself has to seek it, try to get it.  Because each moment or day is free to determine his or her freedom in pursuit of happiness.  There are no boundaries or parameters in the pursuit of happiness.  A person with chronic IBD will have to pursue his or her happiness within one’s stark reality of pain, distress and depression.  But there are all the possibilities of realising one's dream of being happy.  In pursuing one's desire to happiness within those life conditions will lead to happiness in some sense or the other.  No one can deny or measure one's happiness.  Ultimately there is a beginning for every effort.  The first step begins with one's readiness to embark on a long and challenging journey.

God is magnanimous and generous

Introduction to the Holy Mass with Superior General of Jesuits Rev. Fr Arturo Sosa on 26-02-2018 at Mount St Joseph, Bangalore. 

A warm welcome to you my dear brothers.  And we are gathered together along with our Superior General Fr Arturo Sosa and his three General Assistants to celebrate this fraternal thanksgiving at this Holy Eucharist of our Lord Jesus Christ.  We are indeed very glad that we could be together as sons of One Father.  And we thank the Lord for giving us this wonderful opportunity to feel one with the whole body of the Society because it is God who has called us to this minima Compagnia.  Therefore, only to him be glory and praise - soli Deo Gloria.  The readings of today put us in right perspective that the creator deals with creature directly and in a unique personal way.  God is great and to be feared and each individual is called to keep the commandments of covenant and be compassionate towards others.  Lent once again summons us to listen: To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with our God.  He is magnanimous and generous and we have to be so to our brothers and sisters.  We pray for this grace at the Holy Eucharist today.